Pain Isn’t a Contest

September is “World Pain Month.” I had to laugh when I first saw that, because if there is one thing I have learned, it is that pain doesn't really need its own month. For those of us who live with it every day, it is always there.
What is harder to laugh about is the way pain sometimes turns into a contest. Who has it worse? Who suffers the most? Who gets the most sympathy? Here is the truth... pain is not a competition. No one wins by hurting more. And you don't get a prize just for participating.
I live with Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, or EDS, a connective tissue disorder. Mine comes from a genetic mutation. That word is important. A mutation means this did not just pass down through the family tree... it was a fluke. It is written into me, part of my DNA, and confirmed through genetic testing. This has been my reality since birth, and it shapes every single day of my life.
I understand why people might reach for a label like mine. They want answers, or they want to feel connected. The irony is that claiming EDS to belong makes it harder for those of us who actually live with it to be believed. It is already an "invisible" condition, the kind that gets questioned and dismissed. What we do not need are sympathy seekers muddying the waters. That kind of claiming does not bring comfort. It diminishes the years of pain, the experiences we have endured, and the things we have lost out on because of a very real disability.
Living with EDS means pain is always present, but I have learned that not everyone needs to hear about it. That is why I cannot stand the phrase, “I do not want to be a burden.” To me, it sounds like something people say to invite reassurance or sympathy, as if they are waiting to be told how brave they are. When you actually live with that reality, when you spend your life quietly making sure you are not a burden, the phrase rings hollow. It feels like a performance, not the truth.
At the end of the day, I know pain is universal. Everyone carries it in one form or another. While I would never want to belittle that, it also is not the world’s problem to solve. Some of us have no choice but to keep moving, to find ways to work around it, to shoulder it without asking for applause. That is the reality of living with pain. And it is not a contest anyone should want to win.​