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There are periods in our lives that don’t need solutions or speeches. They simply need a place where the weight can rest before you pick it back up and carry on. For me, one of those places has become writing. Even growing up, I felt more comfortable putting my thoughts into words on a page than trying to say them out loud. I remember one time in high school when a friend wanted me to go see a movie in the theater with them. It was in a franchise I hadn’t been allowed to watch growing up. They were really excited, and I wanted to do something fun with my friend, so I asked my parents. I could tell they weren’t keen on it, but as a teenager wanting to fit in, I didn’t think too much about that. They told me I was old enough to make my own decision. They didn’t explicitly say yes or no, but I could tell. We decided to go. That night, though, I struggled to put into words how I felt about potentially disappointing them. So I wrote them a letter. I explained that I didn’t need to go, that I didn’t want to disappoint them, and that if they truly didn’t want me to see it, I wouldn’t. Long story short, I didn’t end up going. Years later, I found that letter tucked away in my mom’s things while we were moving. There’s something about stress that seems to quiet the noise in my head just enough for me to write. When the words stop racing and I can place them onto a page or a screen, they become more manageable. I can slow moments down, revisit details I missed, and dig deeper into how something actually made me feel. From there, it feels easier to express those feelings to others, once they’ve been sorted through first. Writing brings me a great deal of relief, but it doesn’t always solve the problems I’m facing. What it does do is keep those thoughts from festering or calcifying. It gives them somewhere to go. Whether I’m recording my thoughts in a journal, bringing experiences to life on my blog in hopes someone else might relate, or writing fantastical scenes for a story that may never see the light of day, the act itself matters. Writing lets me work through things without the added stress that often comes with talking. I don’t think I’m a terrible conversationalist, though that could just be delusion speaking, but there’s so much more pressure in spoken conversation. Tone matters. Timing matters. There’s always the risk of saying something wrong or having something taken the wrong way, without the forgiveness of a backspace. Writing, on the other hand, is patient. It doesn’t interrupt or reinterpret. It simply absorbs without asking for immediate clarity. As the weight of the day slowly transfers onto the blank page, the relief is temporary, but real. My mind settles. I feel myself soften instead of harden. Writing helps me remember who I am, even when things feel like they’re coming at me from all directions. I know not everyone writes, but everyone needs a place where they can unload after long days. For some, that might be reading, music, crocheting, gardening, or cooking. The possibilities are endless, and sometimes they change from day to day. What matters is having somewhere to set the weight down, even if only for a little while. 
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I started off the year stating that I wanted to romanticize my life intentionally. Almost immediately, the reality of another new year settled in, and I felt weighed down by it. As I’ve spent the last few blogs brainstorming topics and ideas, I’ve worked hard not to make those weights the center of my posts. While I love having an introspective space where people can hopefully feel seen and relate, I already spend so much time carrying those thoughts that I simply don’t want to live inside them here. At the same time, I don’t want to pretend that life is all rainbows and unicorns either. As I took notes, wrote out half-thoughts, and quietly argued with myself, it occurred to me that I had a fairly fatal flaw in my thinking. Not talking about the troubles in my life isn’t avoidance. It’s setting a boundary with myself. And romanticizing my life isn’t pretending everything is perfect. It’s choosing to focus on the wonder of things. To me, one of the most romantic things in the world is a love letter. I blame Jane Austen for this. Across her novels, she uses letters again and again, often at the most pivotal moments, especially when her male characters can no longer say what needs to be said out loud. In Pride and Prejudice, Mr. Darcy writes to Elizabeth after she rejects him, not to persuade her, but to take responsibility and explain himself. In Persuasion, Captain Wentworth writes to Anne when he realizes he can no longer remain silent out of fear of rejection. I think the thing I love most about letters is that they carry the weight of love, remorse, reflection, forgiveness, devotion, gratitude, friendship, to name a few, in a gentle and meaningful way. So that’s what I want this blog to be. A small collection of love letters to a few of the things that add a little wonder to my life.  💌 Dear Books, We didn’t begin well. For a long time, you felt like an obligation. Deadlines, assigned chapters, discussions where I worried more about being wrong than about being moved. You were never cruel, but I misunderstood your purpose. Thank you for waiting. When I finally found you again, you didn’t ask for performance. You asked only that I show up. You opened doors to worlds where good still wins, where love is allowed to be dramatic, and where magic feels as ordinary as breathing. You let me leave this world for a while without asking me to justify why I needed to go. You are patient in a way few things are. I can leave and return, and you stay unchanged. Still offering shelter and still holding wonder. You remind me that sometimes the most meaningful conversations happen in silence, with nothing but pages between us. I don’t come to you to be taught. I come to you to remember that the world is larger than the room I’m standing in. With love, Me  💌 Dear Music, You have always known how to reach me. You don’t pull me out of my feelings. You sit beside me in them and quietly change their shape. You make light days feel brighter, like a window rolled down on a back road. You soften heavy ones, filling the space just enough so it doesn’t feel empty. I love your rituals. The way the world fades when I slide my headphones on. The way a single note signals that I can relax. You arrive without asking permission, saying what needs to be felt when words would stumble. There is comfort in knowing you will meet me wherever I am. Loud or quiet. Focused or frayed. You remind me that some truths are better carried on sound than spoken aloud. Thank you for being a steady presence when everything else feels sharp. Always, Me  💌 Dear Writing,
You are the quietest of my loves, and the most faithful. You meet me with ease whenever and wherever I reach for you. On the couch, wrapped in a blanket, a cup of tea cooling nearby, dogs snoring softly at my side. You never rush me, instead letting the cursor blink patiently while I catch up to my own thoughts. Sometimes I don’t know what I’m trying to say when I begin, but you allow me the grace of starting anyway. You hold space for half-formed ideas until they settle into something honest. You remind me that clarity often arrives only after stillness. You are where I go when speaking feels inadequate. When I need to choose my words carefully. When the truth deserves time to take shape. You don’t ask me to be impressive. Only sincere. I don’t write to be remembered. I write because you remind me that I exist beyond the noise. Yours truly, Me In the past month, my niece moved away to college, and my sister got married and moved out. For the past eight years, one or both of them have lived with me and my parents. The steady buzz of people has been constant all that time. This is the first week where that hum has been silenced. My home is quiet, the air is shifting, the days are shortening. It has created the kind of stillness that feels both empty and necessary. It almost feels like the world has slowed down, and I’m trying to match its new rhythm. As I find that new beat in the world around me, I’m working to fall back into habits that let me unwind and move with it. Rhythms that feel familiar and grounding. At the top of that list is writing. It’s been over a month since I last looked at my book, and while I don’t count that as a failure, it’s a pattern I’d like to break. Moving from working on it regularly to not thinking about it for weeks leaves me feeling guilty. In trying to get back into the writing mood, I stumbled across a prompt asking me to explain my week with a color. Immediately, I thought of navy blue, one of my favorite colors. To me, navy blue feels cool and almost dreary, but not hopeless or sad. It reminds me of the calm before a storm, without the edge of anxiety. It isn’t quite melancholy, but tranquil… on the verge of sadness. It’s this mood that makes me feel the most in need of creativity, whether that’s reading, writing, crafting, or music. Something about feeling very navy blue makes me feel the most imaginative. So I sat down this weekend and reread the last couple of chapters I wrote. The break from it allowed me to see it in a slightly different light. I discovered that my somewhat choppy narration (good for tense or suspenseful moments) didn’t serve the quieter scenes as well as I originally seemed to think. But diving back into that world, into those characters, felt really good. It felt like a faint hum in the back of my mind was turning into a tune, one I couldn’t quite remember the words to, but that was still familiar. While I’m still working to set attainable goals for myself as I get back into writing, I have to remind myself that returning to it isn’t about forcing productivity. It’s about rejoining a rhythm I’ve missed but that never truly stopped. Between editing, brainstorming, and even writing this blog, I’m enjoying the quiet moments filled with the sound of my keys typing away. I’m finding joy in jotting down ideas I want to weave in later. It’s a calming sense of purpose as I fall back into something that, just a couple of months ago, brought me so much joy. At the end of the day, that’s all I’m searching for.  In the book world, everyone at some point says they want to write a book someday. For a long time, I was silently part of that group. I let my self-doubt dictate how open and motivated I was toward that goal. Then I discovered something… you can’t win the lottery if you never buy a ticket.
While I’m looking forward to the journey ahead, even if it doesn’t extend beyond my friends and family, I’m finding it to be equal parts thrilling and overwhelming. In an effort to strengthen my skillset and be transparent, I wanted to share some successes, struggles, and habits I’ve encountered along the way. Part I: What You Should Be Doing Write Every Day I try to write something every day. Some days, that’s 1,000 words. Other days, it’s a single sentence. While I definitely aim for the former over the latter, the real win is in being consistent. That consistency builds confidence. Read Like a Writer Even while writing, I make time to read. As someone not formally trained in writing, I try to learn from the authors who first inspired my love of books. I pay attention to how they describe characters and settings, move through dialogue, transition between scenes and chapters, or build tension... those little skills that make a book gripping and immersive. The key is to learn without copying, to train your storytelling muscles. Embrace Messy First Drafts This part has been the hardest for me. As someone with perfectionist tendencies, learning to accept a messy draft and keep going without obsessively rewriting has been a real challenge. I probably rewrote my first chapter five or six times before finally moving it later in the story. I liked the worldbuilding, but it felt rushed... like certain elements needed to be established first. Give yourself permission to be imperfect. The magic happens in revision. Keep a “Braindump File” Inspiration strikes at the oddest times. That’s why I have about three different “braindump” options. I keep a notebook for scribbling quick thoughts, a Notion board for organizing notes and planning the book itself, and a Pinterest board for visual vibes. These allow me to jot down whatever pops into my head whenever and wherever I am. Part II: Mistakes I’ve Made Obsessing Over the First Chapter Like I mentioned earlier... I struggled with my first chapter. After rewriting it multiple times, I finally moved it. But when I started the current Chapter One, I had to resist the urge to rewrite again. It took real discipline to leave it alone. In fact, I didn’t reread it for a few days. And even then, all I did was make sure the ending transitioned smoothly into Chapter Two. Comparing My Draft to Published Books As someone who’s read a fair number of books (though not as many as I’d like), it’s hard not to compare what I write to what’s already out there. I’ll catch myself questioning how I’ve phrased something or built a character. But I’ve had to remind myself that published books have gone through multiple rounds of editing and professional polish. Giving myself a little grace if my writing feels amateurish is totally okay. Writing for Myself This one’s a challenge. As my ideas evolve, I’ve had to keep reminding myself that this book should be something I enjoy. There are popular tropes people love, and others they love to hate. While I try to be mindful of those, I’ve stumbled when I stray too far from what feels authentic. That’s why I always say this project probably won’t go beyond my family and friends. They know me. They get what I stand for. Part III: What Keeps Me Going A “Why” List Knowing why I wanted to write this book has been crucial. Just like anything else, you can do it for the wrong reasons. Between my blog and this book, writing gives me release and clarity. There’s a unique satisfaction in organizing thoughts and painting pictures with words. It helps calm the chaos in my head. In my Notion board, I keep a running list of why I’m doing this. Some reasons are personal, others are simple... but they all matter. Soundtrack & Aesthetic Boards My favorite way to stay motivated is by building a writing soundtrack and curating my Pinterest boards. Finding music or visuals that match the vibe of my story helps shift me back into that creative headspace. On days when writing is hard, adding to those boards can help me find my spark again. Community (Even Just One Person) My niece is my number-one supporter. She constantly asks how much I’ve written and begs to proofread my latest chapter. When I’m stuck, she lets me talk it out and has helped me past more than a few dead ends. She also just yelled at me for pausing my typing. Her methods can be a bit... loud. Like telling her whole high school what my book is about. But somehow, that accountability helps. People now ask me how the book’s going, and while that used to embarrass me, I’ve learned it helps keep me on track. Part IV: Tricks for Inspiration on Dry Days Change Locations During the school year, my go-to writing spot is bed. It’s quiet and cozy. But now that I have more flexibility, I’m looking for a place that grounds me creatively. I rotate between the kitchen bar, my desk, the couch... and I’m dreaming of writing in my RV once it’s fixed up. Write a Scene Out of Order Outlining is a big part of my process. I sketch out chapters with a goal, major events, and an ending hook. That flexibility means I don’t have to write everything in order. At first, I wrote start to finish, but I found myself hyperfixating during editing. When I finally let go of that and started writing scenes out of sequence—starting with the core moment and building out—I discovered a flow that works way better for me. Use Writing Prompts This might be controversial, but I use ChatGPT in my writing process. Hear me out. Since I have no formal training, I’ll ask it for writing prompts, then use those to practice. After I write a scene, I’ll ask for feedback and even exercises to help with specific weaknesses. It’s a great tool... but remember, it’s still a robot. Those quirky things about your style? Those are what make it yours. This process has been fun, hard, exciting, and overwhelming. But the most important thing to remember is: you’re not alone. If you’re showing up, even a little at a time, you’re already doing the thing. You don’t have to get it right... you just have to get it written. In my search for a new job, one that brings joy and a sense of accomplishment, I came to the realization that I enjoy writing. I’ve been trying to get into a regular habit of writing and posting again here on my blog. While it is highly unlikely that I’ll ever make much out of it, I genuinely enjoy looking back and seeing how I’ve changed and grown. It’s been especially fun to notice how my writing style has evolved over the years.
Since making this self-discovery, I’ve been searching for jobs that involve writing in some capacity. While I haven’t had much luck yet, I realized I could still do something that allows me to write, even if there’s no money in it. So, I started drafting a story. I doubt it’ll turn into anything, it has given me a purpose and something I look forward to expanding on. I did the dumbest thing ever, though. I told my niece I was writing “a book.” I had her proofread what I’d written, poke holes where she saw them, and she even decided to draw character concept art. What I failed to account for, due to a severe lack of hindsight, is the fact that she attends public school. And that she has a relatively industrial-sized mouth (said with all the love and affection in the world). Come Monday, I showed up to work only to be greeted by multiple students shouting, “Miss K! I hear you’re writing a book!” To say I was a little taken aback by the very loud declaration would be an understatement. Did that stop her? Absolutely not. She proceeded to tell everyone she bumped into that I was “writing a book.” Her classmates, underclassmen, teachers, staff, her boyfriend... everyone. While it’s a little mortifying, I’ll say two things. First, everyone, and I mean everyone, has been incredibly supportive. They keep telling me I have to finish it so they can buy the first copy. While it makes me giggle, I truly appreciate the enthusiasm. Second, with everyone now holding me accountable to this new expectation, I feel a healthy kind of pressure to actually follow through. Neither of those were things I anticipated. With that said, wish me luck! Even if it ends up being just for me and those close to me, this is something I didn’t realize I wanted until my niece so lovingly made it public and everyone so kindly rallied behind me. |
Heya, Billhilly Fam!I’m Stefani, a librarian, IT coordinator, teacher, daughter, aunt, and sister with a heart for faith, lifelong learning, and personal growth. I believe in community, in finding joy tucked into the day-to-day, and in using both the lessons and the missteps to keep moving forward. Categories
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"WORRYING DOES NOT TAKE AWAY TOMORROW'S TROUBLES,
IT TAKES AWAY TODAY'S PEACE"
IT TAKES AWAY TODAY'S PEACE"
ABOUT MEMy name is Stefani. I am a princess, a dragon rider, a warrior, a magician, a time traveler, a crime solver and so much more. But for "technical" purposes you can call me a Librarian. I teach Elementary Library and Technology as well as High School Coding and Robotics. In my spare time I love books, archery, fishing, crafts and a lot of little things that make life wonderful.
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